I’m so sorry you are suffering. Have you heard of anchors? Breath can be an anchor but it can also be other things like walking very slowly and focusing on your feet hitting the ground. It can also be on the lines of poem. I encourage you to explore different types of meditation that don’t use the anchor or breathing and maybe that will help. Good luck!
During episodes of pain many negative emotions comes up and easily disturb my inner peace making me feel out of control and anxious. I found out that having a mindset of embrace challenging as opportunities to grow makes me have a purpose to meditating while in pain. Rather than running away and getting scared, embracing the pain makes me regain some of my self control. While meditating, I observe the pain and ask how this state make me feel and keep breathing gently, observing and feeling my body with out judging.