Human beings are not perfect, though we strive to be. We might not be perfect, but we pretend we are, highlighting only the good parts of our lives and choosing to hide all of the bad. We aim to please others, sometimes overlooking our own needs or wants in favor of outcomes we don’t really care for. We perfect and rehearse our answers, our voices, so as not to appear unlikable. And according to The Gifts of Imperfection, these are the reasons we may continue to project our fears and insecurities on others. We perform, please, and perfect on impulse.

This all goes back to worthiness and what professor Brené Brown calls The Power of Wholehearted Living. It’s all about learning to engage the world from a place of worthiness. If you believe you, as you are, are not good enough, then you will fall into the trap of performing, pleasing, and perfecting. But if you do believe in your strengths, and you have confidence in your abilities, then you have self-worth. You are able to access Wholehearted Living.

Can you think of all the ways in our society that we strive to be perfect? Social media has turned us into onlookers, as we browse each other’s lives and compare with what we have. This inherent need to want things that do not belong to us does more harm than good. We then begin to get ideas of who we’re supposed to be rather than embracing who we naturally are.

Let’s say you see a pretty picture of a girl with shiny, dark hair sitting on a beach. You might not know how to swim, or have the desire to be on a beach, but the image this girl is projecting — this image of conventional beauty, freedom, and supposed happiness — is one that you want, and so you pine after it. You feel less than because you’ve now compared yourself to someone else’s supposed reality. But if we stop and think that perhaps this girl might be showing a performance of her own, then we can truly understand the perform, please, perfect trap.

We all strive to be perfect in our own ways and yet we still crumble under expectations. We are human, after all. But when we beat ourselves up about crumbling, there is a lost opportunity for change, growth, and self-reflection. It’s okay to not always meet expectations. Sometimes it lets us know that we have to reroute and focus on something new, something that may very well become a strength. But if we’re caught performing for others, pleasing others, and perfecting our personas, we are getting further away from Wholehearted Living, our self-worth, and, in some ways, our true purpose.

Believing in your self-worth is imperative for progress. You matter, and your true self matters as well. There is no shame in falling victim to the perform, please, and perfect trap; the goal is to learn from it and rise above it to truly show the world, and yourself, the talents you possess.